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Okay, so here’s what ya do:

Disappear.

Leave no trace, no goodbye, no notice, and just vanish off the face of the planet.

I think everyone should try this at one point in their lives, especially in this modern age of wifi and G3. People, normal people with normal personality quirks, now have the capacity to lose their heads without their Blackberries and iPhones. At every moment of every day, someone could find you.

But what if they couldn’t?

Yes, I realize that for some people, that is a scary thought, and definitely not an ideal situation (parents of toddlers, high-risk stockbrokers, to name a few), but for others who can be comfortably certain that barring any incredibly unlikely catastrophe, I believe this exercise could prove useful.

You goal, ideally, is to vanish, almost off the face of the earth; to sever all ties with the world and indulge in the accompanying freedom. Well, not really. I mean, if they had to, the police should still be able to track you down, you’re not a wanted criminal or anything (right?). But if, say, your mother/sibling/BFF decides to hunt you down, they could never find you. They could call every known phone number associated with your name, send out search parties within a mile radius of your home, and you would never even be aware that they were looking.

The first, and only step (the rest is just tips and suggestions) is to simply leave. Pick a time-frame where you can be reasonably sure that no one will need you, abandon your cellphones and laptops somewhere where you’ll get them back, and walk away.

Now, remember your goal: vanishment. Therefore, you should be on foot for a portion of your expedition.

Public transportation is a no-no; ticket sale records can be found in a system; coins, tickets, and discarded transfers can be matched to fingerprints; passengers and drivers/pilots can be asked to identify you…kidding. But it does tend to be crowded and noisy, and if not, there’s the downside of always being accompanied by the driver.

Cars should probably be avoided too…cars have licence plates, and easily identifiable makes and colors . The question “Did a silver Honda Civic pull out of this parking lot 5 minutes ago?” is a weird question, no doubt…but you never know when a sharp-minded (and bored) McDonalds employee has the correct answer. Also, it can be pretty hard to get to a your nice, mostly secluded location in a big clunky car.

If you want, you could go all stealthy with this. Travel only down beaten, lonely bike paths, through bushes and empty parks, to ensure that nobody will notice, remember, or poke their heads out their window to see the “[insert vague physical description] strolling down this sidewalk”, should anyone care to ask. But that’s really not necessary (fun though!).

Finally, you destination? Your choice. I personally like deserted areas of parks along the lakefront (then you get a nice view, too!). You could even suddenly take a turn and pop into a store, mall, friend’s house, or anywhere there are other people, smirking with your secret knowledge that nobody on earth know (or will ever know) how you got to be there. It doesn’t really matter; what’s important is that by the end, you have experienced being invisible. Being completely detached from any other human in the world for a period of time, safe and secure* in your seclusion.

So? What are you waiting for? Go on, git! Disappear, for all I care…

*I would suggest that while trying out this little adventure, to please stay safe. That means no wandering out at night into the sketchy part of town. I don’t want anyone getting mugged or worse because of what I said, got it?! Good.

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