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Okay, so after a bit of late-night pondering, i have arrived at this very simple conclusion:

Life is boring.

Seriously. I mean, no one ever wants to set up a meeting with you with the intention of acting as the catalyst in the reuniting of you with an ex, no one ever goes to insane lengths to surprise you with your heart’s desire on your birthday, no one ever wants to usurp your position – okay, so they might, but not when you’re just a lowly first year university student with nothing going on in your life.

See, the reason, I figure, is simple: people are stupid. People are boring. People are too preoccupied with everyday crap like television and gossip and taxes and mortgage rates to think of convoluted ways to get what they want out of life. Between everything else in their lives, they’re simply too tired to put in all the effort needed to see things like this through; they’ve simply got no time to plan it all out. That is why life is boring: because no one, no one, has the time, energy, or means to put together an awe-inspiring, purely genius, simply legendary secret agenda anymore.

After all, if there’s homework calling, tax forms to be filled out in triplicate, a dog to walk and a kid to pick up from daycare, then of course it would make more sense to do all of that stuff, and hang up those plans for that brilliantly complicated master plan. Because, well, those who would be willing to sacrifice financial security, the dog, and the kids for an intangible plan are usually the ones hanging around the looney bin.

But you know what?

I’m tired of my life being boring.

I am just a first year university student with nothing really going on in my life, and summer fast approaching.

Meaning: I currently have some time on my hands, and a lot more coming my way.

So…I vow, from now on (whenever possible), to approach all endeavors in my life with a carefully thought-out hidden agenda!

That’s right!

I will go to work with then intention to not only serve ice cream, but also to subconsciously manipulate my boss into eating a spoonful Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream that day.

I will go to class with the intention to not only learn, but also to incite a certain clique of noisy future-engineers to sit closer the the back of the classroom.

I will go to a party with the intention to not only…do whatever it is that normal people without a secret agenda do at a party, but also to convince two people who will most likely end up making out by the end of the night to (gasp) play a nice cheery game of Go Fish! instead.

I will covertly coerce my will into other people’s minds.

I will learn the art of manipulation.

I will stand in a corner a cackle maniacally as I watch my carefully laid plans work like clockwork.

Or, at least, I will try.

The most I forsee is myself failing miserably, but, hey, isn’t that the beauty of secret agendas? If no one ends up bending to my will, if nothing goes according to plan, then at least no one has to know, right?


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